My Sense of Freedom
The topic this week in my life has been about freedom. Every where I turn the topic comes up. it came up in my Biodanza class, in Bellydance class, at home and in the news. So I’m being cornered to think about what freedom means to me? Also how do I give others freedom? What has been my personal journey with respect to freedom?
I’ll start with my personal journey. I was born with spunk and a desire or knowledge that I wanted to be free. As a child for me that was not a good thing. Born into a very strict South American family I was quickly tagged as the rebellious child, the black sheep, the bad girl. As I got older, sometimes I would get the strength to be me but then I would have to lie or hide and feel like the bad girl. Then I thought I figured it out and so I wore different mask for different people so I could fit in or be accepted. One mask for work, one for church, one for my husband, different ones for my different friends, one for my kids and so on. But the truth is I really never felt I fit in anywhere anyway. I would question why is it I just don’t fit in. At some point, I decided it did not matter. I also realized I don’t want to fit in if it means I have to act and dress like you. In other words be something I am not. I somehow managed to keep part of my spirit alive and kept dreaming of the day I could figure out who am I and just be. It took time trying different things and honestly going within and taking time to be completely alone.
Today I feel I’m there I get to wear this one mask in all the circles that I travel in, work, family and all friends. The intimate circle is much smaller but oh so rewarding and real. I don’t fit in anywhere 100% but I’m very comfortable everywhere and enjoy so much. I have the freedom to make every choice in my life and I do not allow control by anyone no matter how much love I have for that person and no matter how they have perfected their exquisite passive control of others. Granted it gets more difficult to spot these controllers and they do sneak in through your heart. They seem to be getting more skilled each time. But each time I get stronger and even more free of Spirit. So I’m grateful for those that come into my life to teach me about myself and I release them from my energetic field and wish them well.
I still get the occasional person now that wants me to be different. The funny thing is they are getting way younger than me. They come to me because they care for me and want to give me advice. They carefully explain why and how I need to change so I can satisfy and make their little circle happy. So, I need to conform to their ways, to join in on the bashing of others and to allow myself to be manipulated and passively controlled by their gang leader. Well to say the least they eventually fall off my energetic field. It does take strength and true love for oneself to be ok with certain people not accepting you and your sense of freedom.
One also has to learn to be accepting of others and their ways and giving them the freedom to express and to make their own choices. That also takes dealing with your own sense of fears, abandonment and trust issues. For me holding this space that I truly enjoy has given me the blessing to meet and be surrounded by a diversity of people. people come here from all different backgrounds, economic statuses, ages, sizes, nationalities, religions, sexual preferences, artistic backgrounds and more… I am beyond grateful for all that have passed through these doors and will always open my doors to all. I now give everyone complete freedom of expression at the studio and in my personal life. This has brought me so much peace and stability into my life. When we control we get controlled.
So remember that freedom at least in America and other free countries of the world is a personal choice. Look into your life and see where you can make better choices that will lead you to your own personal sense of freedom. Only you know what that means to you. No one else knows that but you.
Please comment on what freedom means to you so I can grow and learn. Thank you